March 10, 2012, 10:35 AM: In the wake of traditional Saturday morning family breakfast, I find myself in a bookstore with my twelve year old brother. Unsurprising: the copy of Dave Egger’s How We Are Hungry clutched in my fist like spoils of war. Surprising: the table full of Hunger Games paraphernalia and paperbacks that said brother is lingering over.
“Haveyou read this?” he asks me. “My friend is reading it. You should read it and tell me if I’ll like it!”
Having discovered an unanticipated new meaning for the phrase, “Everyone and their brother has told me to read this book,” I purchase it. Sibling status: awesome. Fate status: sealed.
Me, 11:15 AM: Oh, I’ll just read a couple pages.
Me, 11:35 AM: Oh, I’ll just read a couple more pages.
Me, 11:57 AM: Goddamn it I, I have shit to do today. I’ll go buy coffee. I will put this book down. My resolve is strong.
Me, 12:15 PM: My resolve is so not strong. My resolve is the opposite of strong. What is resolve? Do they have it in Panem?
Me, 12:16 PM to 3:00 PM: NOTHING ON EARTH MATTERS EXCEPTING FINISHING THIS FUCKING BOOK
So join me, tumblr, on an ~exciting recap~ of my journey through this life-killer of a novel. You will laugh! You will…no, you’ll probably just laugh. At me. I don’t care; I must get it out of my brain before I like, break from sanity and buy the next two on my computer and end up bleeding out my eyes trying to finish them as rapidly as possible. I just. Hunger Games, what even are you.
Please note before we begin that this is a) very very very much meant to be tongue-in-cheek and b) I hate Peeta so much. So. Much. If you like Peeta, I do not hate you! I just hate Peeta. Be warned. With that said:
The Hunger Games: A Recap
This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read.